Re-post from a Facebook post I made in September 2025:

Fear and courage concurrently:

I’m writing this on the morning of September 13, 2025. Like many Americans, I’ve spent the past week remembering 9/11 and how I felt then and in the days/weeks/months following.

I had a new job on a college campus, a husband who was traveling for work, one kid in college and another in high school. My then-husband was in Seattle on 9/11. It took him 3-4 days to get home. 

That morning I went to the bank to deposit my paycheck (no direct deposit or mobile deposits back then). While in line at the drive through the first plane hit. By the time I got back to the office the second plane had hit as well as the one into the Pentagon. Everyone in the office gathered around and we watched events unfold. Campus was weird. As classes let out, it got quieter and quieter as more people left. Eventually afternoon classes and all evening events were canceled. My college student child came to me when she heard and we left to pick up the other one from his school. Then we went home to be numb. 

In the days following, we heard President Bush urging us to unite as Americans. I think I absorbed that message and the other message to be brave and not allow the terrorists win. Side note – not a fan of GW Bush, but he wasn’t completely horrible. At least not until WMD mania.

My niece had recently become engaged and her engagement party was scheduled for late September. In NJ. One of my sister-in-law’s best friends was killed in the tower attacks. They decided to hold the party anyway. I was the only out of town family member to attend from our side of the family. 

I absorbed the bravery message so well that I kicked out the cheating husband, bought a house during the recession, and spoke truth to power at the university and was fired for it. 4 months prior to full retirement. There’s a heavy cost in health insurance premiums and lower pension benefits when you retire before 20 years. I moved across the country, and am now planning another move to a different country.

At each step of the way I’ve been afraid. Currently my new hobby seems to be attending protests. When I flew to D.C. in June and it happened to coincide with the No Kings protests, I folded my banner inside out and buried it between clothes in my suitcase so TSA wouldn’t notice. Also washed out the hair color and didn’t wear my Pride watch band for the flight. But then, I brought a D.C. friend to a protest while there and found my courage again. Here, at home, I attend suburban protests. I’m old and can’t run fast and want more than a porta-potty. Why travel into the big city when I can go to the local protest? 

There’s one being held today on a highway overpass. I’ve done these before. This morning, in the wake of Charlie Kirk’s killing and subsequent craziness, I had a moment (10 minutes) when I thought I’d skip today. Nope. I’m going. 

And from earlier today – went to visit Dad